This is a tale about a Man named Bijan and a woman named Aisya Lam.
Bijan: Hello Aisya...
Aisya: What? How did you get into my house??
Bijan: Hehe, the caretaker Iwadab let me in.
Aisya: But I specifically told him to keep you out!
Bijan: Well, I pulled a few strings and managed to get him fired. He had no choice…Guess what? I’m the new caretaker now!
Aisya: Nooooooo!
Bijan: Yessssssss, and your trusty bodyguard Asum Nassah is on my side as well!
Aisya: Why are you doing this? I told you I don’t love you anymore!
Bijan: Hey! My father was one of the builders of this house! I deserve full ownership! And since you hold the deed, I guess I own you too.
Aisya: Your father took great care of the house and my ancestors, unlike you!
Bijan: Well allow me to prove you wrong my dear. First of all I will be laying down some ground rules. No one in the house is to wear black, drink teh tarik or fast. All candles are to be thrown out immediately. Some of your sons and daughters have already broken this rule, so I dished out some punishment, Bijan style! Asum Nassah is on it right now.
Aisya: What? That doesn’t help me one bit! You know this house is constantly targeted by burglars; Asum should be looking out for them instead.
Bijan: Nah, that’s not important. Now, I’m interested in that piece of jewellery round your neck.
Aisya: You mean this necklace made of silver?
Bijan: Indeed, what’s it called?
Aisya: It’s a Karep.
Bijan: A what? Whatever. Anyway, it’s pretty, hand it over.
Aisya: No! The beads have my name printed on it!
Bijan: Oho, but look, three of the letters on the beads are smudged. It doesn't spell your name anymore.
Aisya: Don't even think about taking it. If you try I will call my lawyer and we will charge you for theft.
Bijan: Your lawyer? Hahaha, that guy is on my side too.
Aisya: This can’t be happenening…
Aisya: Eeek! What are those little furry things at your feet?
Bijan: Aha, those are my pets, I’ve trained them to fetch the newspaper for me in the mornings, and also to munch on the articles that I don’t like. Impressive eh?
Aisya: But what if I want to read those articles?
Bijan: Too bad! Live with it. Ah my cute little pets, I call them “The Rats”.
Aisya: But they ARE rats…
Bijan: I know, smart aren’t I?
(If you would like to reproduce this article in a less vulgar blog, ignore these last few lines)
Bijan: Now that you know that resistance is futile…let us adjourn to the bedroom.
Aisya: You’re disgusting, all you ever do is FUCK ME AND MY CHILDREN.
Bijan: It’s what I do best, my love.
PS: If you didn’t get it the first time, reverse the order of letters in the names and re-read the article.)
